Captain Janet has turned on the Fasten Seatbelt sign...

...so please return to your cells seats for the remainder of the flight. Or else!

Now lets imagine you are on the tail end of your 10 hour flight home to the U.S. from Germany, or even a 14 hour leg back from the Far East, and you cross the magical 1-hour-until-landing threshold....and you encounter some fun new rules.

- Your tummy isn't reacting well to that second round of airline food? Sorry, you can't get up...keep your seat. I hope your neighbor doesn't mind the smell. (TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06, Para 2.1.1)

- Want to get some medication out of your carry-on stored in the overhead (or under the seat in front of you)? Sorry, it is forbidden to access them...you'll just have to hope you can hold out until you reach the gate. (TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06, Para 2.1.2)

- Want to use that cool, fancy TV screen mounted in the seat in front of you, or the cool in-flight wi-fi to pass the many hours? Sorry, it prohibited for the *entire* flight. (TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06, Para 2.1.3)

- Want to know what that interesting looking city/natural formation is that you are flying over? Sorry, its classified. (TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06, Para 2.1.4)

- Tired and cold after your double-digit flight to the Land of the Free? Sorry, you'll just have to shiver and be uncomfortable as blankets and pillows are verboten. And don't even think about having that book in your lap either. (TSA Security Directive SD-1544–09-06, Para 2.1.5)

So, sit up ramrod straight and breath in slow, shallow breaths, or we might have to hog-tie you for the sake of National Security.

This has been Captain Janet, and we want to thank you for flying TSA, because we know that when it comes to flying rules, you have no choice whatsoever.

Oh, and pay no attention to that guy in seat 19A who didn't break any of these new rules, but is still about to ignite the bomb in his pants....



UPDATE: Stupidity in action....(No offense to JetBlue)